Healthy Easter Tips

So you’ve just settled on a totally inappropriate Easter Bunny costume for an Easter party you’re going to that’s going to have children all over the place because that’s who the holiday is really for.¹What do rabbits have to do with Easter? More specifically, egg-laying rabbits that don’t exist?!?!

HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?!

Sheesh, people! I’m just a personal trainer, not a pagan symbolist!!! And as a personal trainer, I can only offer advice about how to go about celebrating the holiday while also being mindful of your weight, if you even care about all that fat you’re carrying, which is what I’m gonna do if you continue reading on! With your spring Halloween costume out of the way, all that’s left to lose sleep over is how you’re going to deal with the goodies.

So what should you do? Continue reading Healthy Easter Tips

Is Program Hopping A Good Idea?

INSTRUCTIONS
This mini quiz makes it possible to determine if you should or shouldn’t program hop — i.e. dump a routine for a fancy new one that promises to do all sorts of crap that you think yours isn’t doing. To find out whether or not you should make the jump, read each question carefully. Then read all of the answer choices to each question and fill in the bubble that corresponds to the correct answer. If you have difficulty determining the correct answer to a question, then you have bigger problems in life than figuring out if you should program hop. Like, way, way bigger problems! Continue reading Is Program Hopping A Good Idea?

The Health Benefits Of Dog Ownership

A scientific statement published in Circulation, the ingeniously named medical journal of the American Heart Association, says that owning a dog might confer numerous cardiovascular benefits, such as reducing blood pressure, improving cholesterol, and lowering the risk of heart disease.¹The name of the journal is ingenious because “circulation” not only has to do with the movement of blood throughout the body, which the heart is responsible for and is what the American Heart Association concerns itself with, but the word also has to do with the distributed number of copies of a publication, which the journal so happens to be. Genius, I tell ya!!!

…but ownership isn’t enough. Continue reading The Health Benefits Of Dog Ownership

Why You’re Addicted To Donuts

Some of us are on a first-name basis with weed, coke, booze, and other substances. They have a hold on us and won’t let go!

But not you.

Nope, not you!!!

You’ve been grinding hard on your diet for a month, a week, a day, and temptation is calling you…

…in the form of a donut.

Yes, you’re a donut junkie!

In fact, you’re a donut junkie who, if need be, is willing to whore out their orifices to get their mouth on what’s often the pastry equivalent of one.¹Feel comforted by the fact that you’re not alone. Everyone likes donuts! Fuck, what’s not to like about donuts when you can practice your rimming skills on the ones with holes and the cream-filled ones bust all kinds of gooey goodness in your mouth?!?!

The problem with giving into your donut whoredom when a craving strikes is that one donut often turns into an entire dozen and then — BOOM!!! — you’re suddenly fat again. That sure would be a waste of grinding hard on your diet for a month, a week, a day.

So what are you to do?

Well, after recognizing that you have a problem and admitting it, one of the important steps to solving the problem is figuring out why it exists.

So let’s do that! Continue reading Why You’re Addicted To Donuts

Coffee Before The Gym: 5 Benefits

Before you blow your next paycheck on supplements to power you through your workout, you might want to take a look in your kitchen first.

Sure, it’s not exactly a pretty sight with the stack of dirty dishes in the sink, filthy countertops, and roaches all over the place, but look past that, primarily in the cupboard.

What do you see?

You see more roaches, of course!

Those buggers are EVERYWHERE!!!

But know what else you see?

Yeah, a can of coffee.

I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s empty and you just haven’t gotten around to throwing it away yet, but let’s say there’s actually coffee in there. Here’s why you should make some before your next workout! Continue reading Coffee Before The Gym: 5 Benefits