Category: ETC.

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A Brittany Moment

A Brittany Moment


So Brittany Dawn was recently revealed as a fraud.

Yeah, that Brittany Dawn who’s a big social media star that you’ve never heard of because being a social media star doesn’t really mean shit and is why the term “star” is used here as loosely as she apparently used her moral compass.

Fuck!

Who knew that someone who lists “fitness influencer“ as their job title and says stupid shit like “cardio should never feel like you’re slaving away at something” would make a terrible coach?!?!

*mind blown*

Anyway, while you’ll look at this video and learn it’s kind of stupid to entrust your health to someone solely on the pretty selfies of themselves and how large a social media following they have, I’m looking at this video to learn from her mistakes on how to keep my own grand deception going of knowing a thing or two about this fitness jazz.

Talk about a win-win for me and you both!

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Monster Longe
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Another Unhelpful Post

Another Unhelpful Post

If you’re still holding out hope for useful information that may have some kind of bearing in your life, sorry to disappoint you once again.

Instead, all I have is a stupid cartoon about discipline that builds on last week’s stupid post about motivation.

Oh well, there’s always next time (but I wouldn’t get my hopes up either)!

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Monster Longe
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Why You’re Weak

Why You’re Weak

Have you ever wondered why you seem to turn into a fast-food whore at night (you know, just opening your mouth wide for any old thing to slide down it)?

Of course you have!

This not only applies to food, but to all areas of your life.

Why does your amount of fuck-giving lessen?

Well, I have a possible answer for you thanks to the results of a study looking into fuck-giving (or motivation, like you laypeople call it).

The linked article may be hard to get through because it’s not written by me and doesn’t contain the ribaldry you all know and love, but I’m sure you’ll manage!

If not, I may sprinkle my magic on it in a future post.

…or I might definitely probably absolutely not because I have enough shit in the queue to write.

Now, say thanks to me for sharing this. And by no means should you say thanks to the client who brought the linked information to my attention and didn’t post it to the private Facebook group, where stuff you find should go, because she hates me enough to want to make my life harder by having me do more fucking work!

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Monster Longe
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Believe What You Want To Believe, As Long As It’s Not This…

Believe What You Want To Believe, As Long As It’s Not This…

There are a lot of stupid beliefs out there that keep getting perpetuated in the face of irrefutable proof of their fallacy.

And I’m not talking about religious or political beliefs here!

Nope!

I stay away from that stuff.

It’s just Business 101 to appear impartial so as not to offend any potential customer. So you’ll never see me laughing at the idea of some guy in the sky creating life or hear me telling you that capitalism has been a scourge and you not agreeing throws your basic intellect into question.

Nope!

I keep that shit to myself never to be made public.

As I said, it’s Business 101 to let people believe what they want to believe despite the overwhelming evidence that they’re wrong.

But stupid beliefs about fitness?

HA!!!

When it comes to that shit, I’m all too willing to make my feelings known, like my feeling about you being an idiot for hitting the gym bundled up like you’re going on a polar expedition because not only do you think that sweating burns calories but that sweating more burns even more calories, hence your George Costanza puffy jacket!

Sorry, but contrary to beliefs, this giving a fuck about your body thing isn’t as easy as just wearing extra layers or any other easy thing you’re thinking of doing, buddy!!!

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Monster Longe
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All People Are Equal

All People Are Equal

I was accused of being sexist a couple of weeks ago because of an arm training article and workout routine that were both written with men specifically in mind. As a self-respecting man, I just couldn’t imagine another fella wanting a tug-job from an Amazon with arms strong enough to crush the human spirit.

But that’s just me, though!

So how do I respond to that accusation of my sexism?

Well, I say…

DAMN FUCKING RIGHT I’M SEXIST AGAINST WOMEN!

I’m a misogynist, too!

But here’s the kicker: I’m also sexist against men and misandrous.

Need proof?

Well, this glute article and this workout routine plus this one were written with women specifically in mind!

So get it straight.

I’m a misanthrope.

I HATE E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y!!!

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Monster Longe
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