Category: Glossary

ripped

adj [ript]
having little body fat with a certain amount of muscle; in the same company as “shredded”, “cut”, and other terminology, none of which have distinctions that are agreed upon within the fitness community but all lead to the same result, which is people labeling themselves with a term their scrawny or flabby body shouldn’t be labeled with. see also: AYFKM

Example of ripped in a Sentence
Yes, honey, you look ripped in that t-shirt. And no, I’m not saying that because that’s what you told me to tell you or you wouldn’t do that thing I like you to do to me with your mouth tonight!

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dumbbell

noun [duhm·bel]
1. weight training equipment that’s typically used in pairs and makes a loud, resonant sound when struck together to alert everyone in the immediate area that the person using them is missing a few brain cells, thus making it appropriately named. see also: ETYMOLOGY

Example of Dumbbell in a Sentence
Hey, if you’re not using that dumbbell, do you mind if I take it so I can be a tool and bang it together with this one so I can make enough noise to drown out the sound of my girlfriend getting banged in the locker room by someone who’s not as big of a tool as I am?

2. has to be used in front of the rack they’re stored on to prevent others from accessing or putting back other weights until His/Her Majesty is done with their set. see also: REGICIDE

Example of Dumbbell in a Sentence
Coach, I’m sorry for coming back empty-handed without the dumbbell you told me to get for the next set but somebody was doing an exercise right in front of the dumbbell rack and I didn’t want to be a dick by asking them to move or anything else that would inconvenience them!

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bodybuilding

noun [bod·ee·bil·ding]
1. what a shitload of folks are unknowingly doing every time they lift weights with the intention of changing their physique.

2. an activity that mostly broke people are relegated to improving their appearance with due to not having the right amount of money that would compensate for their looks and make them attractive to individuals who would otherwise have nothing to do with them.

3. a discipline that’s said to be a sport by many of its adherents who don’t seem to be aware that such a stance doesn’t help disprove the notion of bodybuilders being idiots.

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Zumba

noun [zoom·buh]
1. a group fitness class consisting of choreographed dance movements to Latin American music, such as salsa, merengue, and waaaaayyyyyy more Pitbull songs than any human should have to endure in one hour. see also: PERSONAL HELL

Example of Zumba in a Sentence
I probably need to work on my communication skills because every time my girl asks me to go to another Zumba class with her, I say “NO!!!”, which now has her thinking I’m some kinda bigot who has a thing against Spanish people when the issue is with just one Miami street rapper turned global brand ambassador!

 

2. the cooler version of Jazzercise that was created by a South American and serves as just another reminder of how boring life would be without people of melanated skin. see also: THANKS

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traps

noun [træps]
1. the cool name for “trapezius”, this is a large superficial muscle that extends from behind the skull to the middle of the back and is mainly developed by performing very exciting rack pulls and shoulder shrugs to the delight of social media followers who really, really want to see videos of that shit. see also: CALF RAISES

Example of Traps in a Sentence
On Instagram, there’s nothing I enjoy viewing more than people working out their traps — except, of course, the even more riveting content of people walking up to the squat rack or deadlift platform and going through their entire 10-minute pre-lift ritual before lifting the weight instead of just editing the video so it’s right to the fucking action!

 

2. another muscle group in addition to the chest, arms, and anything other than the glutes that women should avoid training because EWWWWWWW!!! see also: 🤮

3. a muscle group that women avoid training for fear of looking too manly but they should develop to help them better lug around their heavy purse, schlep bags full of groceries, tote toddlers, and other things broads find themselves carrying around other than the weight of civilization like us men have to do.

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