The Toothpaste Method For Stopping Cravings
So once again you’re home from work, just chilling around the house and maybe watching TV instead of, I don’t know, making better use of your time by, I don’t know, doing the necessary work to start your own business because, I don’t know, your job and the pay sucks major elephantine dick.
…and then hunger strikes!
But you’ve already eaten your last meal for the day and you’re kinda trying to watch what you eat because you’re kinda trying to lose weight and not eating more than you should is kinda how weight loss works.1Yes, really! Eating less food is how you lose weight. I know, fucking mind blowing!
So, ummmmm, what are you to do?
You mean, what are you going to do other than just exercise some fucking discipline not to snack in front of the TV or out of boredom?
Well, you could just brush your teeth after your last meal to take the decision out of your hands.2NOTE: Best practice is to brush 30 minutes to an hour after eating, as doing so too soon can damage the enamel, especially when consuming acidic foods and beverages, like soda and citrus fruits and juices.
Why you should brush is because the odds are that you’re lazy. And because you’re so unbelievably lazy, when you brush your teeth after your last meal you’re more likely not to eat again until breakfast because your lazy ass isn’t going to want to brush them again.3NOTE: On the off chance that you’re not lazy enough to be discouraged from eating by having to brush your teeth again, something else you can try is teeth whitening strips. Depending on the strength of the whitening agent, you may have to wear the strips for longer than 20 minutes, which is more than enough time for a craving to subside. But if the craving is still there when you take the strips off, you’re not really going to want to eat anything or else risk ruining the whitening effect.
Hey, what’s with that look?!
Fuck, aren’t you the one watching TV rather than doing more productive shit?
Yeah, like I said, L-A-Z-Y!!!
There’s a difference between hunger and a craving.
When hungry, the feeling comes on gradually over time and anything will do to satisfy it, even eating an apple or any other vegetation that the big man in the sky would look down on you for gaining sustenance from after giving man dominion over all animals and decreeing that “every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.”4That’s from Genesis 9:3, you heathen! That’s hunger.
So what’s a craving?
Well, if you’re peacefully minding your business and then suddenly get a penchant for some chocolate goodness working its way through your insides that doesn’t have to do with a penis attached to someone of African descent, then what you have is a food craving, which is fleeting.
Because a craving is only temporary, all you have to do is ride it out. One way is to simply ignore it. But if your willpower isn’t strong enough to do so, then one thing as discussed is to enact a barrier, something that gets in the way of you eating long enough for the craving to pass.
Glossary: discipline
