How To Grow Your Glutes

Oh, so you want to learn how to grow your glutes, something everyone else on the planet suddenly wants to learn too?!

I may be giving away my age here, but I remember a time when a certain segment of the population viewed big butts as nothing more than a grotesquerie.¹ But nowadays?

Shiiiitttttttt, that same segment of the population wants what they were once repulsed by.² And they want it by the buttload!³

Glutes are all the rage, baby!

If you’re like most women — you know, you have more body image issues than Playboy — then you’re probably reading this because you want the type of ass that’ll inspire some marginally talented rapper to write an ode to it.⁴

Well, it’s just your luck that I know a thing or two about butt stuff.

Hmmmm…maybe I should rephrase that. I don’t think we’re at the stage of our relationship yet where we can reveal our sexual degeneracy to one another!

*ahem*

It’s just your luck that I know a thing or two about how to make the glutes grow.

With these following tips, you should have no trouble turning yourself into a big booty Judy.⁵

LIFT SOMETHING

Far too many people waste hours of their life away on the stepmill not only thinking that they’ll suddenly have an ass to die for if they reduce fat in the area but that repeatedly raising their legs a couple of inches is enough to give them a dump truck booty.

Ummmmmmm, how do I say this as diplomatically as possible?

Hmmmmm…⁶

THEY’RE FUCKING WRONG!!!

It doesn’t work like that.

Spot reduction, or targeting fat loss in a specific area of the body, is as mythical as human decency. The body loses fat all over, with some areas losing it faster than others.

Also, the last time I checked, the glutes are a muscle group.⁷ And like any muscle that you want to make bigger, harder, and change the shape of, you have to introduce it to a stressful stimulus that prompts the desired adaptation.

Lifting your feet up a couple of inches just isn’t going to cut it for someone with a pancake ass.

You need weight, toots!

But not just any old weight, like body weight or pink dumbbells in the performance of wall sits, squats, and lunges for thousands of reps, as called for in many a 30-day booty challenge you find all over the fucking interwebz.

Nah, baby cakes.

How you make the glutes bigger is by doing progressive resistance training in the execution of glute-specific movements with heavy enough weight that places a demand on the glutes to grow in response.

Heavy weight?, you ask with the fear of God in your voice.

Yeah, but don’t worry, snookum pops.

Lifting heavy weights won’t make you bulky, unless you’re a freakin’ mutant.

Are you a freakin’ mutant?

…

Well then, you have absolutely nothing to worry about!⁸

GET ON THE RIGHT FREQUENCY

Lift heavy ass weights for 10-12 reps two to three times per week.

Save the rubber bands and exercises with light weights and infinite reps for hardly ever instead of doing them for the entire workout.⁹

EXERCISE DISCRETION

As was said, body weight and resistance band exercises have their time and place but they aren’t going to cut it if your workout is based on their exclusive use. To prompt growth, you need exercises that place enough stress on the glutes and allow for continued overload.

Some of the best glutes exercises include:

• Back Squats

• Sumo Squats

• Plié Squats

• Goblet Squats

• Kang Squats

• Suitcase Squats

• Jefferson Squats

• Bulgarian Split Squats

• Kneeling Squats

• Kneeling Band Hip Thrusts

• Hip Thrusts

• Glute Bridges

• Frog Pumps

• Cable Kickbacks

• Glute Kickback Machine

• Walking Lunges

• Forward Lunges

• Reverse Lunges

• Lateral Lunges

• Step-Ups

• Lateral Step-Ups

• American Deadlifts

• Cable Pull-Throughs

• Reverse Hyperextensions

HIT IT FROM ALL OVER

You need to hit your glutes from a variety of angles by performing both compound and isolation movements during a workout instead of only having it consist of squats or a buttload of kickback variations.¹⁰

PUT YOUR MIND TO IT

Focus on the cues to help with your form and what muscle you should be using, as well as if you feel the exercise where you’re supposed to feel it.

Working out isn’t sex, so don’t just go through the motions!¹¹

ADD MORE WEIGHT

That 5 lbs dumbbell you started lunging with years ago might’ve been heavy at first but now it’s light as fuck and using it workout after workout isn’t doing shit for you, sweetheart!¹²

DON’T FORGET THE HAMS

The three muscles making up the hamstrings all attach near the glutes, so most exercises for the glutes also involve the hams. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hit them hard separately, though!

Stronger hamstrings not only help you lift more weight on booty building exercises so your glutes can grow but making the hamstrings bigger compliments the glutes by creating a more balanced look from the side when creeps like me are creeping on you.

Some hamstring exercises include:

• Prone Leg Curls

• Seated Leg Curls

• Kneeling Leg Curls

• Swiss Ball Curls

• Nordic Hamstring Curls

• Glute-Ham Raise Machine

• Plate Drags

• Frog Squats

• Eccentric Single-Leg Squats

• Reverse Hack Squats

• Good Mornings

• Deadlifts

• Sumo Deadlifts

• Stiff-Legged Deadlifts

• Romanian Deadlifts

• Single Leg Deadlifts

• Kettlebell Swings

WARM THINGS UP

Doing exercises for your glutes would be a supreme waste of time if you did them and couldn’t feel your glutes working, which is something that happens with so many people.

Too often, people do exercises like squat and deadlift variations with the purpose of isolating their glutes but end up only making everything else bigger — rather than adding more donk to their badonkadonk. The reason for this is that the glutes aren’t firing properly. As a result, their glutes go on vacation and the quads and hamstrings take over.

What’s often responsible for the lack of glute activation is the endless hours of sitting that people do day in and day out, which causes the gluteal muscles to atrophy — primarily the gluteus maximus, the largest muscle in the body.¹³

The sedentary lifestyle that many are living not only leads to their glutes not firing properly but it can also result in lower back pain, knee problems, and hip pain from other areas of the body having to compensate and carry the slack.

To correct this and get your cheeks working as they should so you’re not wasting your time, perform a routine of glute activation drills before the weighted lift portion of every booty building workout.¹⁴

Some glute activation exercises include:

• Fire Hydrants

• Clamshells

• Donkey Kicks

• Band Hip-Hinge Abductions

• Monster Walks

• Lateral Band Walks

• Frog Thrusts

• Grasshopper Beats

• Prone Flutter Kicks

• Plank Step-Outs

• Plank Kickbacks

• Glute March

EAT SOMETHING

All the exercises in the world won’t do shit if you don’t give your body what it needs to fuel growth so the booty can grow like a certain part on the opposite sex when they see you in the gym doing your glute exercises in a sexually suggestive way that certainly — CERTAINLY!!! — isn’t on purpose.

Sure, toots.

Suuuuuuuure!!!

Anyway, here’s a quick tip to help you figure out your maintenance calorie level and then how many calories you need to eat above it to build muscle.

What you do is take your current weight and multiply by

•13 if you don’t exercise at all;

•15 if you exercise a few times per week; or

•18 if you work out five or more days.

Then add 500 to that number.¹⁵

For protein, eat at least 0.8 to 1.2 grams times your body weight.

HAVE SOME FUCKING PATIENCE

Creating an ass takes longer than the 30 days you’re willing to invest in with one of those 30-day booty challenges you find all over the fucking interwebz.

That means you’re going to have to go to the gym and make an effort lots and lots and lots of time.

Yeah, I know.

THAT SUCKS!!!

Welp, I just showed you how to grow your glutes.

Yeah, I know, it’s a lot of shit!

But if that’s too much work for you, you can always go the route of Brazilian buttock augmentation and butt lifting panties, leggings, or jeans.

The former is a surgical procedure that’s expensive as hell. Your broke ass probably can’t afford it, though. However, I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding a “doctor” to perform the medical procedure for the low-low in a fleabag motel room or at their strip mall clinic or, for your convenience, at your place of residence. Sure, you might look doofy as hell with a big ass bolted on top of small, skinny legs. But hey, dat ass doe!

The other is body shaping apparel that only solves the problem of noassatall when you have the garments on — revealing your dumper for the mess it is once the clothes come off and leave your one-night stand in abject horror.¹⁶

The choice is yours.

Choose wisely!

Glossary: atrophy, calories, dumbbell, exercise, deadlift, glutes, gym, leggings, lifting form, muscle, muscle group, reps, routine, squats, stepmill, work out, workout

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.