Posted on April 13, 2020August 6, 2020 by Monster Longe

I’ll Make An Exception…

According to Forbes, we’re in quarantine and people are consuming more alcohol, smoking more weed, playing more video games, eating more junk food, binge-watching more Netflix, and doing more disgusting things to themselves to adult films than ever before.

…but you’re wrong for admonishing people to come out of this situation with either a new skill, more knowledge, or work started on a new business, with failure to do so indicative of never lacking the time, just discipline?!?!

Sorry, but after seeing how people are spending the increased free time on bullshit, saying they shouldn’t be excoriated for not making better use of the available time is enabling behavior.

Most hustle-porn is bullshit because the cult of hard work obscures the structural problems within this society, which is why I don’t subscribe to it. But there’s always an exception to every rule, and this moment is the exception, you fucking slacker.

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer and online coach in San Diego. He's helped hundreds of people lose weight, build muscle, and become more attractive to their loved one so they don't have as strong of a desire to cheat on them anymore. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys making fun of Drake and people who like the guy.

What Muscle Groups Should You Train Together?

Q: Can I train my arms and legs on the same day or should I hit them separately? On the topic of doing things together or not, I apparently haven’t learned anything in that area since the time I was totally wiped out after ignoring the advice of friends and family to keep my finances apart from the person I’d only been dating for a week and ultimately opened a joint checking account with *sigh* Continue reading What Muscle Groups Should You Train Together?

Posted on April 10, 2020April 20, 2020 by Monster Longe

Ballerific

This is just a crazy thought, but if your coach, someone you’re paying a lot of money to, reaches out to you to better understand your needs, you should probably get back in touch with them instead of still ignoring their messages days later.

But hey, if your lifestyle is so ballerific that you can afford to throw money away, then waste it however you deem fit!

In fact, since you can afford it, let me upsell you a more expensive version of the coaching service you purchased, with the difference being that it involves me caring even less but you paying much, much more, thus making it like many of the services offered by “coaches” that shall remain nameless. Nope, I won’t confirm nor deny I’m blatantly referring to Omar Ventura, Devin Physique, or Brittany Dawn!

Anyway, can I interest you in significantly less value for only a few shekels more?!

Huh, can I?!?!

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Monster Longe

Fitness

fitness

noun [fit·nis]
1. the quality or state of being in good physical condition — not an alternate way to express the insertion of some kind of food into your mouth, as commonly employed in a variety of memes people keep reposting like the joke hasn’t already been beaten to fucking death yet. see also: UNORIGINAL

2. the latest trend that most of the people doing it will not be doing in five years. see also: POSEUR

MORE WORDS

Posted on April 3, 2020July 27, 2024 by Monster Longe

Why You Should Work Out Naked

Maybe you have a home gym and that’s where you work out regularly. Or, play along with me here even though it’s beyond the realm of possibility, there’s a global pandemic and you’re quarantined indoors and find yourself having to work out at home with whatever make-do equipment you have.

Yeah, the idea of a pandemic shutting down gyms, parks, and other public places where you can work out is pretty unrealistic, but play along with me here!

Whatever the case may be, when working out at home you can play whatever music you want as loud as you please. The same thing about volume goes for the grunts, moans, and other porn scene sounds that you usually hold in or tamp down at the gym.

Know what else you can do with no people around? Don’t be shy! I know the thought has slipped into your mind! Continue reading Why You Should Work Out Naked