Blog - Page 138 of 151 - Monster Longe

Posted on August 25, 2017April 24, 2020 by Monster Longe

Holy Shit

I have a question.

Maybe you can answer it. Continue reading Holy Shit

Posted on August 11, 2017January 20, 2025 by Monster Longe

gloves

noun [gluhvz]
covering for the hand with separate parts for the fingers and thumb cut off just above the knuckles so the digits are exposed; primarily worn to look like a total badass out of a 1980s music video and show other gym-goers that the wearer is about serious weightlifting business, especially when walking from the car to the gym with them already on. see also: VAGINA

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Posted on July 21, 2017November 27, 2025 by Monster Longe

Dedicated

dedicated

adj [ded·i·key·tid]
a word used by the crazy to describe themselves so as not to come off as crazy as they really are when called obsessed by those who don’t give a fuck about their own health to also count calories and macros, work out religiously, and do other crazy shit to better take care of their body. see also: CAMOUFLAGE

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Posted on July 20, 2017July 27, 2020 by Monster Longe

All People Are Equal

I was accused of being sexist a couple of weeks ago because of an arm training article and workout routine that were both written with men specifically in mind. As a self-respecting man, I just couldn’t imagine another fella wanting a tug-job from an Amazon with arms strong enough to crush the human spirit.

But that’s just me, though!

So how do I respond to that accusation of my sexism?

Well, I say…

DAMN FUCKING RIGHT I’M SEXIST AGAINST WOMEN!

I’m a misogynist, too!

But here’s the kicker: I’m also sexist against men and misandrous.

Need proof?

Well, this glute article and this workout routine plus this one were written with women specifically in mind!

So get it straight.

I’m a misanthrope.

I HATE E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y!!!

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer and online coach in San Diego. He's helped hundreds of people lose weight, build muscle, and become more attractive to their loved one so they don't have as strong of a desire to cheat on them anymore. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys making fun of Drake and people who like the guy.

Pain In The Ass Booty Building Workout

Other than for my literary prowess, you're probably reading this because you want bigger glutes. Wait, because you N-E-E-D bigger glutes! What are you waiting for then?! Check out this booty building workout!

Can I interest you in a bigger booty? More junk in the trunk? Cheeks plumper than a baby’s face? A caboose so large that when you walk down the street, cars stop and let you pass like they’re at a railroad crossing?

What say you to firmer buns? A rounder derriere? A donkey with no more saddlebags? Or so much real estate in your backyard that you have to pay property tax on it?

How about a larger wagon for you to be draggin’? A behind that can be viewed from the front? A meatier rump than ones hanging in a butcher shop? An almond busting tookis that makes people confuse you for the Nutcracker? Continue reading Pain In The Ass Booty Building Workout