Blog - Page 139 of 151 - Monster Longe

Posted on July 20, 2017November 30, 2025 by Monster Longe

Fancy Bamsie Glute Activation Exercises

Who wants bigger glutes? Probably definitely you. But who can't get bigger glutes? Probably definitely you. Why? Because your glutes aren't firing. Fix that today with these glute activation exercises.

See that program?

Yeah, the one up there!

Know what exercises it’s full of? Continue reading Fancy Bamsie Glute Activation Exercises

Posted on July 14, 2017April 24, 2020 by Monster Longe

Reality

You?

Start a diet and exercise program and see it all the way through to change that horrible body in the mirror that defies how horrible the human body can be?

You?

Look for and find a better job than the dead end one you’re currently at?

You?

Develop your skills so you can at least get promoted and earn more money to make the dead end job you’re currently at feel slightly less dead endy?

You?

Approach the person you’re crushing on and begin the type of relationship with them that prevents you from dying alone?

You?

Do anything you set your mind to? Continue reading Reality

Posted on June 30, 2017March 18, 2023 by Monster Longe

crunch

noun [kruhnch]
an exercise that defies human physiology by burning stomach fat to reveal a chiseled six-pack without its performer having to do anything else, like enter a calorie deficit by eating less and/or doing more strenuous shit than moving the upper torso a few inches multiple times. see also: IMAGINATION

MORE WORDS

Posted on June 23, 2017April 24, 2020 by Monster Longe

Relationships

Your personal trainer should be your one-stop shop for the unpacking of workplace drama, relationship problems, unresolved childhood issues, and other emotional and psychological factors that may be affecting your struggles with food.

Your bookie, when not breaking your legs, should also be the go-to source for how to hide your assets to reduce your tax liability.

Just like the latter doesn’t make sense, neither does the former.

So if you need a counselor, get one.

But if you want to change your body, get me.

Know why? Continue reading Relationships

Posted on June 22, 2017April 22, 2020 by Monster Longe

Recommended For Your Viewing Pleasure

I know you have high hopes of watching that vid you bookmarked on one of the many free streaming porn sites you frequent but if there’s one video you should watch today, it’s this one.

The video brings home a point that I try to impress upon those of you who were crazy enough to hire me, as well as what I spend a lot of my time writing about in my blog and elsewhere to you freeloaders.

What’s that?

That you need to spend waaaayyyyy more energy and focus on your fucking nutrition than what you’re currently expending if you want to see true progress. Exercise sculpts and shapes the body so there’s something presentable when you strip the fat off, with weight training preventing you from becoming a smaller version of yourself. But it’s proper nutrition that actually removes that fat — NOT exercise. I’ve written about this HERE and HERE and HERE. But if you can’t be bothered to read all of that brilliance, just scroll back up and watch the 5-minute video.

After you do that, your freak ass is free to do whatever you want to do with yourself to that bookmarked vid you’re just dying — DYING!!! — to get to.

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer and online coach in San Diego. He's helped hundreds of people lose weight, build muscle, and become more attractive to their loved one so they don't have as strong of a desire to cheat on them anymore. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys making fun of Drake and people who like the guy.