Blog - Page 88 of 103 - Monster Longe

Posted on November 9, 2017April 22, 2020 by Monster Longe

Why You’re Weak

Have you ever wondered why you seem to turn into a fast-food whore at night (you know, just opening your mouth wide for any old thing to slide down it)?

Of course you have!

This not only applies to food, but to all areas of your life.

Why does your amount of fuck-giving lessen?

Well, I have a possible answer for you thanks to the results of a study looking into fuck-giving (or motivation, like you laypeople call it).

The linked article may be hard to get through because it’s not written by me and doesn’t contain the ribaldry you all know and love, but I’m sure you’ll manage!

If not, I may sprinkle my magic on it in a future post.

…or I might definitely probably absolutely not because I have enough shit in the queue to write.

Now, say thanks to me for sharing this. And by no means should you say thanks to the client who brought the linked information to my attention and didn’t post it to the private Facebook group, where stuff you find should go, because she hates me enough to want to make my life harder by having me do more fucking work!

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.

Rest Day

rest day

noun [rest dey]
a day on which one doesn’t work out but instead spends the day’s entirety thinking about working out and not knowing what to do with themselves because the gym is life and outside of it they don’t have one. see also: LOSER

Example of rest day in a Sentence
My coach programmed a rest day for me today so rather than going to the gym like I really, really want to, I think I’m just going to lie in my own filth in bed all day watching Blood & Guts, The Unbelievable, and other vintage bodybuilding training videos to help me imagine myself being in the gym working out with waaaaayyyyyyy less weight!

MORE WORDS

Posted on October 27, 2017April 24, 2020 by Monster Longe

Not Good Enough

Those feelings of inadequacy you have are totally warranted.

You’re just not good enough.

Good enough for what?!

Fuck, where do we begin?!?! Continue reading Not Good Enough

Posted on October 13, 2017February 18, 2024 by Monster Longe

Program

program

noun [proh·gram]
1. a plan with prescribed exercises and training variables to meet individual health and fitness goals; usually put together by a competent coach or trainer but you feel the need to mix and match and change other particulars of like you know better than the person who constructed it and just so happens to make health and fitness their profession while you simply possess a passing knowledge of the stuff, if any at all.

verb [proh·gram]
2. to put together a sequence of exercises by copying one from a more established coach and passing it off as your own creation, if not just slapping a bunch of arbitrary movements together and prescribing them all for 20 reps. see also: CTRL+C, CTRL+V

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Posted on October 12, 2017July 27, 2020 by Monster Longe

Believe What You Want To Believe, As Long As It’s Not This…

There are a lot of stupid beliefs out there that keep getting perpetuated in the face of irrefutable proof of their fallacy.

And I’m not talking about religious or political beliefs here!

Nope!

I stay away from that stuff.

It’s just Business 101 to appear impartial so as not to offend any potential customer. So you’ll never see me laughing at the idea of some guy in the sky creating life or hear me telling you that capitalism has been a scourge and you not agreeing throws your basic intellect into question.

Nope!

I keep that shit to myself never to be made public.

As I said, it’s Business 101 to let people believe what they want to believe despite the overwhelming evidence that they’re wrong.

But stupid beliefs about fitness?

HA!!!

When it comes to that shit, I’m all too willing to make my feelings known, like my feeling about you being an idiot for hitting the gym bundled up like you’re going on a polar expedition because not only do you think that sweating burns calories but that sweating more burns even more calories, hence your George Costanza puffy jacket!

Sorry, but contrary to beliefs, this giving a fuck about your body thing isn’t as easy as just wearing extra layers or any other easy thing you’re thinking of doing, buddy!!!

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Monster Longe