Blog - Page 95 of 103 - Monster Longe

Posted on March 9, 2017April 22, 2020 by Monster Longe

Dumb Shit

With all the dumb shit I see in the gym, whether in person or on social media, it amazes me that there aren’t more cripples among us.

But while the number of wheelchair bound as a result of some terrible gym mishap is low, it’s giraffe pussy high the amount of motherfuckers who ask me “Why does my [insert body part] hurt so much?”

Well, I’m not a qualified medical professional so don’t take what I have to say for much, but your [insert body part] probably hurts because you’re doing dumb shit, motherfucker!!!

Want any other injury prevention tips?!?!

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer in San Diego. He has been lifting weights for +25 years and training clients in the gym and online for about half of that time. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys long walks and leaving buildings crushed and entire city blocks decimated in his wake.

Squat Rack

squat rack

noun [skwot rak]
the place in the gym to test your badassery — if you perform barbell curls in it without anyone telling you to fuck off, then you’re pretty big and not worth fighting; if, however, you perform curls in it and someone tells you to fuck off, then take it as a sign to fuck off before getting fucked up. see also: COJONES

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Posted on February 17, 2017April 24, 2020 by Monster Longe

Overestimate Me

Someone has faith in your talents and abilities.

In fact, they have a little too much!

What could possibly go wrong with someone believing in you?

Like, what’s the harm in that?! Continue reading Overestimate Me

Posted on February 3, 2017March 18, 2023 by Monster Longe

February

noun [feb·ju·er·i]
when 80 percent of people quit their New Year’s resolutions after all the holiday alcohol finally clears their system, which was responsible for getting them far too ahead of themselves with their wild delusions of giving a fuck. see also: SOON

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Posted on February 2, 2017September 10, 2022 by Monster Longe

Your Dreams Are Good And All, But…

So it’s the first Thursday of February, huh?

Well, here’s a fun fact for you:

80 percent of New Year’s Resolutions fail by February, with the first Thursday of the month (today) being when the number of fast-food visits meets the downturn in gym check-ins.

If your gym has been anything like mine since the first of January, then it’s been crowded. Having new people come in with big dreams is a good thing that I should be going happy happy joy joy about as a personal trainer. I should also be doing the happy dance that I can crush these people’s dreams when they realize we’re on completely different planets that very few of them will ever reach. But alas, I find no solace in either situation!

Why?

Because all of these wishy-washy motherfuckers have kind of fucked up my ability to find parking for the last month!!!

Well, today marks the beginning of everything changing.

*Birdman hand rub*

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Monster Longe