What To Do With Christmas Coal

Grilling is a great way to reduce the fat content of meat. That’s because the fat melts and drips off the meat into the grates instead of collecting as a pool, like in a pan, where the meat cooks in its own fat and can get reabsorbed. Something else that grilling has over other cooking methods is that it also helps meat and veggies retain more of their vitamins and minerals.⁣
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So there, now you know what to do with allllllllllllllllllllllll that coal Santa brought you for Christmas!⁣
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*cough*⁣
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Ummmm…not to rush you or anything but I just helped you out with that huge problem of yours, so this is kinda the part where you say thank you, lest you want to start accruing naughty points towards next year’s load of Christmas coal!

Glossary: dietary fat, vitamin

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Monster Longe

Monster Longe is a personal trainer and online coach in San Diego. He's helped hundreds of people lose weight, build muscle, and become more attractive to their loved one so they don't have as strong of a desire to cheat on them anymore. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys making fun of Drake and people who like the guy.

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Eating Healthy During Christmas: Step-By-Step

Are you a heathen who’s doomed to burn in hellfire for not believing in Christ because you’re Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh, or some other religion that has you worthy of eternal damnation?

Huh, ARE YOU?!?!

Because you’re not a heathen but someone who had the accident of birth of being born into the one true religion, you’re a Christian. And as a Christian to whom Jesus’ birthday has significance for, you probably want to know how to not fuck up your diet during Christmas.

Because the greatest gift is knowledge (and I don’t know you well enough to wanna splurge any money on you), take these step-by-step instructions for eating healthy during Christmas as my gift to you… Continue reading Eating Healthy During Christmas: Step-By-Step

Reasons To Start Cursing (During Your Workout)

As a child, your mother probably told you not to swear.

Being the obedient child you were, you listened to her, which is why your vocabulary is limited, as research has found that people with foul mouths have more extensive vocabularies.¹A large vocabulary is a common marker of intelligence, so you fill in the blanks on what I’m getting at here!

Oh, and you listening to your parents is also why you have a low pain tolerance, as researchers have found that people who swear while holding their hands in ice water can last for double the time they can when asked to say neutral, or non-offensive, words.

Oh, and listening to your parents is also why you’re as weak as you embarrassingly are, as researchers have found that swearing while working out increases power and strength, none of which you have.²In two experiments, one group of participants were asked to pedal a stationary bike and another group to complete an isometric hand-grip test. Those who swore increased peak power by 24 watts on the ergometer and grip strength by 2.4 kg compared to the Catholic nuns who did the same activities without swearing.

Why does swearing have such a profound effect on pain, power, and strength? Continue reading Reasons To Start Cursing (During Your Workout)

Healthy Halloween Tips

It’s almost Halloween.

Yup, time to start getting real imaginative with your costume!

So what are you going as?

Sexy witch? Sexy nurse? Sexy police officer? Sexy [insert some other respectable profession]?

Yeah, with Halloween being the one time of the year that you can dress like a total slut and there being so many respectable professions that you can dress up as the sexified version of, your options are virtually limitless.¹Okay, maybe Halloween isn’t the only time you’re allowed to dress like a whore because, after all, you dress like one in the gym EVERY…SINGLE…DAY…OF…THE…YEAR!

Egads, the agita you must be under!

But besides pushing the boundaries of human imagination with your costume selection, there’s something else to worry about on Halloween.

That’s the candy, folks!

All that sweet, sweet candy!!!

So how are you to survive the holiday?

With these healthy Halloween tips, of course! Continue reading Healthy Halloween Tips

Why Pizza Is So Good

Do you love pizza?¹I know, it’s a dumb question. But please bear along with me as I proceed to ask even more dumb ones.

Do you love pizza so much that you might possibly be the long-lost fifth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?²Why the look on your face? What part of me having even more dumb questions to ask didn’t you understand?!?!

Do you love pizza enough to do some sketchy shit for it in a dark alley?³I mean, even sketchier than the shit you already do!

Those are all rhetorical questions because of course you love pizza!

Well, considering that 13 percent of Americans eat pizza on any given day and 350 slices are eaten every second, you’re not alone in your affinity for Italy’s only contribution to mankind other than Machiavelli and the subject matter for mob flicks. Fuck, others love the stuff, too!

So wanna know why you and everyone else loves the za so much?

That’s another rhetorical question because of course you wanna know why you love the za so much! Continue reading Why Pizza Is So Good