Category: Glossary

meal plan

noun [meel plan]
1. an outline of the specific foods and portions that one intends to eat throughout the day…but doesn’t. see also: REBEL

2. that thing put together by a coach for a client who tells them to include whatever they want on it because they’ll eat ANYTHING but then upon receiving it they suddenly aren’t willing to eat ANYTHING and want almost EVERYTHING changed. see also: 🤬

3. something every personal trainer in the world has been asked by someone who’s not a client to create for them for free because trainers are running a charity like the accountants, doctors, mechanics, high class escorts, and other professionals they demand free services from too. see also: FYPM

4. what every fit looking person has been asked by a not so fit looking person to create for them like they don’t know that it’ll be a waste of time to do so because the person asking has no intention of following through, just like the countless many that have asked the same question before. see also: LIFE LESSONS

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plank

noun [plangk]
1. an exercise that’s part of many 30-day challenges because you’re stupid enough to believe holding the trunk of your body off the ground in a straight line for a few minutes a day over the course of a calendar month is enough to get you ripped abs.

2. the exercise version of that chick whose number you get and start exchanging dirty texts with about what you’re going to do to each other in bed, and then when you finally go out she doesn’t sleep with you the first night…or second…or third…or fourth — in other words, THE EXERCISE LOOKS EASIER THAN IT IS!!! see also: ARGHHHH

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yoga

noun [yoh·guh]
an ancient spiritual practice with Hindu roots that’s been reduced to a trendy type of exercise performed in a prohibitively priced class in a boutique studio or at a luxury retreat by well-off Westerners who are not Hindu, making it a perfect example of capitalism, cultural appropriation, and the continued legacy of colonization. see also: FACTS

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endomorph

noun [en·duh·mawrf]
1. a pretentious fat person.

2. a body type you would very easily wish on your worst enemy but, alas, you can’t bring yourself to — not because you have a conscience but because they’re already fat. see also: OBESITY EPIDEMIC

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gym bag

noun [jim bag]
1. a container or receptacle of leather, plastic, cloth, etc., for carrying around everything one doesn’t need to bring with them to work out. see also: MINIMALISM

2. a personal effect gym-goers looooooove other gym-goers leaving in the middle of common walkways so it not only obstructs normal foot traffic but also multiplies the risk of injury when walking forward while looking back at some hot, sweaty piece of ass behind you. see also: FACETIOUS

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