Category: Glossary

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Atrophy

atrophy

noun [a·truh·fee]
1. when skeletal tissue gets smaller and smaller in size from excessive periods of disuse, something a lot of you would be in trouble with if the penis were a muscle and not an organ. see also: SIGH OF RELIEF

Example of atrophy in a Sentence
I started working out a week ago so I don’t have any muscles to speak of to even make this a serious concern yet but how long will it take them to atrophy if I stop working out? I just want to know because it’s about time I take a long break from the gym from hitting it so hard.

 

verb [a·truh·fee]
2. to lose muscle mass as a result of prolonged inactivity brought on by injury, disease, or you finding a bullshit, yet creative, excuse to cease working out (e.g. having an epiphany that there’s more to life than having a banging body and that lifting to get one eats up too much of your limited time on earth that could be spent on more spiritually fulfilling pursuits). see also: COMEDIC

Example of atrophy in a Sentence
With all the sleeping around I do with people in the gym because they like the way my muscles look, I hope the universe doesn’t play a cruel joke on me by giving me a STD that causes them to atrophy.

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Natural

natural

adj [nach·er·uhl]
1. term used to describe oneself when you’ve used steroids or any other physique-altering drug because you have an image to protect, with honesty obviously not being a part of that image. see also: IDENTITY THEFT

noun [nach·er·uhl]
2. a person who makes it a point to tell everyone within earshot that they’ve never used steroids or any other physique-altering drug, with that info usually volunteered for no other reason than to explain why their body looks as unimpressive as it does because it’s by nooooooooo means possible to have a more respectable one without drugs. see also: EXCUSE

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Fitfluencer

fitfluencer

noun [fit·floo·uhn·ser]
1. a person whose appearance and large social media following automatically makes their health and fitness advice more credible than those who don’t share content limited to selfies of their abs and glutes and other displays of expansive knowledge. see also: AD POPULUM

Example of fitfluencer in a Sentence
This fitfluencer I follow can’t even compose their thoughts in a complete sentence and most of what they’re saying about how to lose weight and build muscle would be refuted were I capable of doing my own research like a competent adult, but I think I’m going to empty my bank account on whatever they’re selling because boy do they have a nice set of intercostals!

 

2. someone who more often than not says their physique isn’t owed to drugs or surgery but their genetics, work ethic, dedication, and, most importantly, the supplements, diet plans, workout programs, and other garbage they’re making gobs of money off because you’re stupid enough to believe what they’re selling is why they look the way they do. see also: CHA-CHING!!!

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Physique

physique

noun [fi·zeek]
1. the structure, appearance, and development of the body; generally used by men to talk about other men’s bodies without fear of being seen as gay for talking about, and even admiring, another man’s body. see also: OBVIOUSLY

2. separate male and female bodybuilding divisions that everyone who doesn’t compete in gives less than a fuck about no matter how much competitors and federations try to act like we should. see also: IDGAF

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