By a show of hands, who does cardio?
…
If your hand is up, it shouldn’t be because I can’t fucking see it!
But since your hand is up because you so desperately want it to be known that you perform cardio like someone who gives a fuck about their heart health, then the odds are high that you perform your cardio on a treadmill, which so happens to be the top-selling and most popular piece of exercise equipment in the country.
Well, here’s a fun fact for ya!
The treadmill was invented in jolly ole England in 1818 to reform prisoners. The thought was that by forcing convicts to walk on an “everlasting staircase” for hours a day, they’d be rehabilitated into productive members of society thanks to their wills being crushed by the monotony and drudgery of the endless walking.
Yup, the treadmill was basically invented with the express purpose of being a torture device.
So if you’ve ever been on a treadmill and thought, “This feels like torture,” that means you’re having flashbacks to a past life, you criminal!
With that in mind, here’s a HIIT cardio treadmill workout for you to try if you’re a glutton for punishment who’s looking to make the treadmill even worse than it already is.
Enjoy!
INSTRUCTIONS
The rate of perceived exertion (RPE) scale runs from 1 to 10 and is a subjective measure of intensity during exercise. Refer to the scale and use your RPE to determine the speed for your work and recovery intervals.1During the periods of time when the routine calls for the incline to be set at a one percent gradient, you should be walking. Those are the recovery intervals. Work intervals take place when the gradient setting is at three percent and six percent. That’s when you should sprint.
1 – Minimum Effort
Normal breathing and talking
Could sustain the activity all day
2 – Very, Very Easy
Light breathing and normal talking
Could sustain the activity for hours
3 – Very Easy
Breathing elevated but comfortable
Can still hold a conversation
4 – Easy
Noticeably faster breathing
Breaking a sweat
5 – Moderate Effort
Heavy breathing
Light sweating
6 – Somewhat Hard
Moderate sweating
Could sustain the activity for 30-60 mins.
7 – Hard
Heavy sweating
Can only speak in short sentences
8 – Very Hard
Difficulty breathing
Can only say 2-3 words
9 – Very, Very Hard
Labored breathing
Hard to speak
10 – Maximum Effort
Breathless and can’t talk
Can only sustain the activity for 20-30s
NOTE: To actually burn the fat that’s released into the bloodstream by HIIT, immediately perform low-intensity steady state (LISS) cardio for 50 minutes upon completion of this workout. That cardio can be performed on the treadmill or with another piece of equipment for variety and the RPE should be 2-3.2For example, if you want to remain on the treadmill for the LISS portion, then you might set the speed to 3 mph and the incline to 3 percent. If you want to mix things up and do the LISS workout on the stepmill, then you might set the level to 2. If you can’t extend the cardio session per the given instructions because of time constraints despite you really, really wanting to do even more cardio, then continue walking at your recovery speed for an additional 2 minutes so you have a full 5 minute cooldown period to lower your heart rate and decrease your body temperature. Do that instead of terminating the workout at the 25-minute mark as prescribed by the routine.
NOTE: This HIIT cardio treadmill workout is an example of a workout for all training levels. But because you’re an individual and don’t want to be like everyone else, you probably want to get yourself a regimen geared to your specific training experience, as well as your injury history, available equipment, goals, and other dumb shit this cookie-cutter routine wasn’t designed for you in mind. Yeah, maybe get yourself an exercise program designed by, I don’t know, yours truly. Well, nobody’s stopping you!!!
DISCLAIMER
The exercises provided by Monster Longe (and monsterlonge.com) are for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not to be interpreted as a recommendation for a specific treatment plan, product, course of action, or substitute for medical consultation. Monster Longe (and monsterlonge.com) disclaims any liability from and in connection with this program.
Exercise is not without its risks, and this or any other exercise program may result in injury. To reduce the risk of injury, consult your physician or healthcare provider before beginning this or any exercise program to determine if it is right for your needs. Do not start this exercise program if your physician or healthcare provider advises against it. As with any exercise program, if at any point during your workout you experience faintness, dizziness, pain, or shortness of breath, you should stop immediately and consult a physician.
Glossary: cardio, exercise, fat, goal, intensity, program, routine, RPE, stepmill, treadmill, workout
