It’s come to my attention that I passed 1,000 followers on Instagram a few days ago.
Being that I’m sitting at 1,541 followers at the time of this writing, my accomplishment was sooooooooo important to me that it totally slipped my mind.
To atone for that, here’s an extremely hollow token of my appreciation to each and every one of you for not changing one iota of my life.
You’re the best!
…oh, but you don’t follow me on Instagram?!
Why is that, huh?
What theeeeee fuck is yoooouuuurrrrrr problem?!?!
Well, because I know you want to rectify that immediately, my username is @m.for.monstruo
Wait, what?!
You don’t have an Instagram account, you say?!?!
Why are you telling me that like it’s supposed to mean somethin’?
…because if you really cared about and wanted to support me, then you’d download the app PRONTO!!!
Monster Longe is a personal trainer and online coach in San Diego. He's helped hundreds of people lose weight, build muscle, and become more attractive to their loved one so they don't have as strong of a desire to cheat on them anymore. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys making fun of Drake and people who like the guy.
noun [ri·zuhlts]
the expected fruits of your labor from working out and eating right without actually laboring to work out and eat right, which is a kinda sorta necessary condition of changing the body. see also: STFU
A client and I had a dust-up a few weeks ago due to her doing the normal female thing of reading too much into shit.
Don’t worry, our torrid love affair is back on now (I’m too irresistible to leave). Anyway, a couple of days after our knock ’em, sock ’em spat, she told me that she happened to come across an article relating to the things that successful people do. One of those things that successful people do is something that I’ve told her numerous times that she’s not guilty of doing, which is what eventually led to our argument after I called her out on her bullshit for the umpteenth time. So, in a roundabout way, she basically admitted that I was right.
Me being right?!
NO SHIT!!!
Well, other than for admitting I was right without having to actually say so, she also forwarded me the article she read with the idea that some of you may find it as beneficial as she did. So I’m passing it on to you. Why? Because you may also find some benefit from it?
Don’t be fucking stupid!
I’m including the link to better give the impression that this post is geared towards your betterment so I can more effectively hide the ulterior motive of my relaying this story, which is to convey that I’m always right, which should save you from embarrassing yourself if you try to question me, which, when you think about it, is indeed educational.
So click HERE to find out what the mentally strong do. It’s a 5-minute read. If, for some reason, 5 minutes is too long to exercise your literacy because you’re too pressed for time, you can do the extremely illogical thing and watch a 15-minute video by the article’s author.
Monster Longe is a personal trainer and online coach in San Diego. He's helped hundreds of people lose weight, build muscle, and become more attractive to their loved one so they don't have as strong of a desire to cheat on them anymore. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys making fun of Drake and people who like the guy.
With all the dumb shit I see in the gym, whether in person or on social media, it amazes me that there aren’t more cripples among us.
But while the number of wheelchair bound as a result of some terrible gym mishap is low, it’s giraffe pussy high the amount of motherfuckers who ask me “Why does my [insert body part] hurt so much?”
Well, I’m not a qualified medical professional so don’t take what I have to say for much, but your [insert body part] probably hurts because you’re doing dumb shit, motherfucker!!!
Monster Longe is a personal trainer and online coach in San Diego. He's helped hundreds of people lose weight, build muscle, and become more attractive to their loved one so they don't have as strong of a desire to cheat on them anymore. When not working with clients or making content that's easy to read, understand, and apply to everyday life, he enjoys making fun of Drake and people who like the guy.
