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Recommended For Your Viewing Pleasure

Recommended For Your Viewing Pleasure

I know you have high hopes of watching that vid you bookmarked on one of the many free streaming porn sites you frequent but if there’s one video you should watch today, it’s this one.

The video brings home a point that I try to impress upon those of you who were crazy enough to hire me, as well as what I spend a lot of my time writing about in my blog and elsewhere to you freeloaders.

What’s that?

That you need to spend waaaayyyyy more energy and focus on your fucking nutrition than what you’re currently expending if you want to see true progress. Exercise sculpts and shapes the body so there’s something presentable when you strip the fat off, with weight training preventing you from becoming a smaller version of yourself. But it’s proper nutrition that actually removes that fat — NOT exercise. I’ve written about this HERE and HERE and HERE. But if you can’t be bothered to read all of that brilliance, just scroll back up and watch the 5-minute video.

After you do that, your freak ass is free to do whatever you want to do with yourself to that bookmarked vid you’re just dying — DYING!!! — to get to.

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Monster Longe
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Athleisure

athleisure

noun [ath·lee·zher]
1. gym clothing designed to be worn outside of the gym — like to work, dinner, gallery openings, red carpet events, funerals, EVERYWHERE!!! — by people who mostly gave up on life a long time ago. see also: SURRENDER

Example of athleisure in a Sentence
My closet is full of nothing but athleisure wear because at no point and time do I want to walk into any room and be taken seriously as an adult.

 

2. gym clothing worn as casual wear by those who want to let everyone know that they work out because their horrible body doesn’t offer enough proof of their doing so. see also: DYEL

Example of athleisure in a Sentence
This lady at work came up to me and asked if I’ve been working out recently. After blushing for a quick bit, I was like “Yeah, I work out. In fact, I’ve been working out for years.” She then said “Oh, it doesn’t look like you’ve been working out for years. Anyway, I’m only asking if you’ve been working out recently because you’ve been coming to the office in shorts, joggers, hoodies, and other athleisure wear for the past two weeks or so. You know that’s not allowed, right? If you don’t, then as the director of HR, I have to inform you that your attire is in flagrant violation of company dress code policy. Anyway, please follow me to my office so we can hash this out.”

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Basic Advice

Basic Advice

I just have basic advice for you that you can not only apply to your fitness pursuits but also everything else in life.

*ahem*

STOP BEING FUCKING LAZY!!!

That bit of sage wisdom relates to a lot of things, like the practice of using someone else’s meal plan and expecting similar results instead of, I don’t know, calculating YOUR OWN nutritional needs and populating YOUR OWN meal plan with foods to meet those needs (or just paying someone to do it for you).

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Monster Longe
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