Category: Glossary

bodybuilding

noun [bod·ee·bil·ding]
1. what a shitload of folks are unknowingly doing every time they lift weights with the intention of changing their physique.

2. an activity that mostly broke people are relegated to improving their appearance with due to not having the right amount of money that would compensate for their looks and make them attractive to individuals who would otherwise have nothing to do with them.

3. a discipline that’s said to be a sport by many of its adherents who don’t seem to be aware that such a stance doesn’t help disprove the notion of bodybuilders being idiots.

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Zumba

noun [zoom·buh]
1. a group fitness class consisting of choreographed dance movements to Latin American music, such as salsa, merengue, and waaaaayyyyyy more Pitbull songs than any human should have to endure in one hour. see also: PERSONAL HELL

Example of Zumba in a Sentence
I probably need to work on my communication skills because every time my girl asks me to go to another Zumba class with her, I say “NO!!!”, which now has her thinking I’m some kinda bigot who has a thing against Spanish people when the issue is with just one Miami street rapper turned global brand ambassador!

 

2. the cooler version of Jazzercise that was created by a South American and serves as just another reminder of how boring life would be without people of melanated skin. see also: THANKS

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traps

noun [træps]
1. the cool name for “trapezius”, this is a large superficial muscle that extends from behind the skull to the middle of the back and is mainly developed by performing very exciting rack pulls and shoulder shrugs to the delight of social media followers who really, really want to see videos of that shit. see also: CALF RAISES

Example of traps in a Sentence
On Instagram, there’s nothing I enjoy viewing more than people working out their traps — except, of course, the even more riveting content of people walking up to the squat rack or deadlift platform and going through their entire 10-minute pre-lift ritual before lifting the weight instead of just editing the video so it’s right to the fucking action!

 

2. another muscle group in addition to the chest, arms, and anything other than the glutes that women should avoid training because EWWWWWWW!!! see also: 🤮

3. a muscle group that women avoid training for fear of looking too manly but they should develop to help them better lug around their heavy purse, schlep bags full of groceries, tote toddlers, and other things broads find themselves carrying around other than the weight of civilization like us men have to do.

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dumbbell rack

noun [duhm·bel rak]
a piece of equipment where you get dumbbells from and perform exercises directly in front of instead of using your fucking brain to grab the desired weight and then step back a couple hundred thousand feet so people are free to also grab weight without having to wait for you to finish being in the fucking way. see also: IQ TEST

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Adobe gains

noun [uh·doh·bee geinz]
when a pic is subjected to Photoshop sorcery to make the person in it appear in better shape than they actually are because no one who runs into them in real life will ever look at them and think, “Hey, this motherfucker looks nothing like how they look on their social media feed that I can easily pull up on my phone right now and do a comparison with!” see also: GOOD IDEA

Example of Adobe gains in a Sentence
Remember the SHREDZ scandal from a couple years ago when one of their fitfluencers, Devin Physique, was exposed for having Adobe gains?

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