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Pain In The Ass Booty Building Workout

Other than for my literary prowess, you're probably reading this because you want bigger glutes. Wait, because you N-E-E-D bigger glutes! What are you waiting for then?! Check out this booty building workout!

Other than for my literary prowess, you're probably reading this because you want bigger glutes. Wait, because you N-E-E-D bigger glutes! What are you waiting for then?! Check out this booty building workout!

Can I interest you in a bigger booty? More junk in the trunk? Cheeks plumper than a baby’s face? A caboose so large that when you walk down the street, cars stop and let you pass like they’re at a railroad crossing?

What say you to firmer buns? A rounder derriere? A donkey with no more saddlebags? Or so much real estate in your backyard that you have to pay property tax on it?

How about a larger wagon for you to be draggin’? A behind that can be viewed from the front? A meatier rump than ones hanging in a butcher shop? An almond busting tookis that makes people confuse you for the Nutcracker? Continue reading Pain In The Ass Booty Building Workout

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Reality

You can't do this — Shit Monster Says

You can't do this — Shit Monster Says

You?

Start a diet and exercise program and see it all the way through to change that horrible body in the mirror that defies how horrible the human body can be?

You?

Look for and find a better job than the dead end one you’re currently at?

You?

Develop your skills so you can at least get promoted and earn more money to make the dead end job you’re currently at feel slightly less dead endy?

You?

Approach the person you’re crushing on and begin the type of relationship with them that prevents you from dying alone?

You?

Do anything you set your mind to? Continue reading Reality

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Relationships

Relationships: The energy needed to work 'em out can be saved for working out your body (you know, more important stuff) — Shit Monster Says

Relationships: The energy needed to work 'em out can be saved for working out your body (you know, more important stuff) — Shit Monster Says

Your personal trainer should be your one-stop shop for the unpacking of workplace drama, relationship problems, unresolved childhood issues, and other emotional and psychological factors that may be affecting your struggles with food.

Your bookie, when not breaking your legs, should also be the go-to source for how to hide your assets to reduce your tax liability.

Just like the latter doesn’t make sense, neither does the former.

So if you need a counselor, get one.

But if you want to change your body, get me.

Know why? Continue reading Relationships