How To Lose Belly Fat
Belly fat is excess fat around the abdominal organs.1Considering that the abdominal organs are in the belly, this is probably why some genius came up with “belly fat” as a name for it. Not only is having too much fat in the midsection unsightly but it’s also unhealthy. For example, if you’re a man with a waist above 40 inches, then that places you at high risk of unbelievably fun stuff like heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and cancer.2Because some people think a woman’s health is just as important as a man’s, it’s probably expected that I include that women whose waist is above 35 inches are at high risk of the same fun stuff. Alas, I’m far too much of a misogynist to include that information!
As we can see, belly fat poses a danger.
So, ummmm, how do you lose the stuff?
By doing crunches? Planking?! Strapping on a vibrating belt you have no idea why is mixed up in your collection of vibrating objects you were rummaging through to use on your significant other because you’re not doing a good enough job of satisfying them on your own because excess belly fat is also linked to erectile dysfunction?!?!
Well, here’s what you can do…
EAT LESS
Weight loss is about burning more calories than you consume, which is easier to do by controlling what you eat than by relying on exercise alone. So take your current body weight in pounds and multiply by
•13 if you don’t exercise at all
•15 if you exercise a few times per week
•18 if you work out five or more days
Subtract 500 from that number for the amount of calories you have to eat per day to lose weight.3That’s just a ballpark estimate. A more accurate approximation can be found using a more detailed formula to calculate your calorie needs.
EAT MORE PROTEIN
I don’t know if protein is harder to break down than the plot of Inception, but I do know that protein is harder to break down than carbs and fat. As a result, not only do you feel less hungry between meals when you eat protein but your body also burns more calories digesting it.4For real, at the end of Inception when Cobb, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character, returns home to his kids, is he still in a dream or back in reality?!?! Oh yeah, SPOILER ALERT!!!
EAT MORE FIBER
Like that person told you that you went on one date with and immediately started planning out your marriage to, you need to slow things the fuck down!!! Foods high in fiber can help with that by slowing the movement of food in the digestive system so you feel fuller and eat less between meals.
SUBTRACT ADDED SUGAR
You need to stop drinking all those sodas, energy and sports drinks, dessert coffees, and fruit juices that you drink to avoid water! Other than because I just commanded you to do so, you should stop because the shitloads of sugar in all that sugary shit you drink gets easily converted to fat that’s stored in the belly.
SLEEP
Your current lack of sleep is raising your hunger and insulin, so anything I tell you to do isn’t gonna do shit if you continue tossing and turning all night because you’re worried about the authorities finally tracking you down after all these years on the lam for that shady shit you did.5Psst…don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. I won’t rat you out. That is, until the reward gets larger!
BECOME ACTIVE
Move around more in your daily life and find time for regular exercise. Exercise is of special importance because it taps into fat deposits and also reduces insulin, the chemical messenger that signals the body to store fat.6By “exercise”, what’s meant is compound movements like squats, deadlifts, lunges, and others that involve multiple body parts rather than just one. As opposed to ab exercises that call into play the abdominals, a very tiny muscle group, multi-joint exercises recruit more body parts and muscles, resulting in the burning of more overall calories.
Belly fat is associated with a number of health issues.
So other than wanting to lose it because it’s unattractive to have, there are many health reasons to do so, all of which provide a cover from accusations, as true as they may be, of only wanting to slim down for vanity’s sake.
Despite what you may have heard though, it’s impossible to target belly fat specifically with crunches and other ab exercises or topical creams and potions. Instead of losing fat from one area, your body loses fat from all over, with some areas losing it faster than others depending on your individual predisposition to hold fat.
Consequently, the advice to lose belly fat is basically the same that’d be given to someone trying to lose weight, as having the preponderance of fat in the belly doesn’t necessarily change the rules governing thermodynamics, or how the body burns fat.
Glossary: abdominals, calories, crunches, deadlift, exercise, muscle group, plank, squats, work out
